A memory of my father came to me the other day as I contemplated my vision for 2020: The amount of people I’d like to touch with my message, the women’s lives that will be transformed as a result of my coaching & community, the trips we want to take our kids on, the amazing health I want to experience, the good we can do with an upsurge of income…
The picture that popped in my head was of myself and my little brother on the floor in front of the TV. I don’t remember what we were watching but I do remember the intense fear I felt at what was on the screen. I must’ve screamed, put my hands over my eyes or started to run away because my dad grabbed my arms, put his face in front of mine and said, “Look! Watch this.” He reached over to the television (yes good people, it was before remote controls, or at least before we had one lol), and switched it off. He looked at us and said:
“It isn’t real. It isn’t there anymore. What you were scared of isn’t real.”
Although I was relieved in the moment, my little stubborn Taurus mind thought, yeah easy for you to say daddy, wait until I try to go to sleep tonight! And that night, in true little kid form, the images I saw earlier came to haunt me. Guess what allowed me to go to sleep? I kept reminding myself that it just isn’t real.
Fast forward to today when the images that show up aren’t of ghosts and monsters (although when I think of certain tragedies and detained children☹), but of failure, disappointment, lack or the changes that success bring. Sound familiar?
Now, I know the spiritual reasons and brain science behind why these fears persist and why more than anything else they halt our flight. My father gave me a tool decades ago that I’ve used to take risks, defy stereotypes and elevate higher than poor little Black girls from the hood are expected to. Just like I did when thinking about the heights I plan on reaching in the years to come, I told myself, Kysha, the fears aren’t real. Yes, I do the work that stops me from repressing emotions or bypassing what comes up AND I remind myself of the truth.
“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.” — Rudyard Kipling
Not unlike that TV show I watched in childhood, our fears are made up stories of frightening scenarios that have not happened. Stories of “what if” and “suppose..”. Here’s the clincher: It doesn’t matter if it has happened to you in the past or to someone else! The episode you’re watching in your mind is based on the future – future circumstances, future time, future you – and it DOES NOT EXIST.
- You’ll be told no if you ask – not real
- People won’t buy your stuff – not real
- You won’t find love – not real
- You’ll fail – not real
- It won’t last – not real
- You’ll have to go back – not real
- You’ll lose friends and be alone – not real
- You don’t have what it takes – not real
I bet some of you are like I was as a child: yeah easy for you say. I still say it too lol! I get it. Future scenario or not, sometimes the monster seems so real it won’t leave us alone. I’m going to let you in on an ancient-Kysha-secret. In those cases, I invite fear along for the ride! I say, “Look Fear, I’m taking the next step. If you won’t leave, then dammit, sit down and strap in! I’m going on this journey with you in tow”.
Acknowledge that you will be scared, often the whole damn time. The secret is, you can move WITH fear. Fear monsters get carsick! They are stronger and scarier in stagnation. When you are in motion, Fear will lower it’s voice, shrink in size and struggle to keep form.
Tweet this: “Fear gains power with stagnation and shrinks with motion. Move, even if it’s one step!”
Comment and let me know. The year is almost over, are you switching your fear to off or inviting it along?
I’ve decided to continue showcasing the incredible work that some of the women in the Elevate Your NOW community are doing. Enjoy, be inspired, follow and support!
Both of these amazing women received guidance around Clarity and Courage to step into the next chapter of their lives! I’m awed by their brilliance and impact in their communities. Restorative justice advocate Kusum Crimmel and Jewelry designer & motivational speaker Corinthia Peoples.
In honor of the whole year it’s been of missing him: Thank you for your lessons daddy ❤